Tom Cable delivers a hit

Let it be known that on August 17th, 2009, the phrase "if you can't be good, be funny-bad" has been trademarked for use by the 2009 Oakland Raiders. Soon we'll all be wearing t-shirts with said phrase blasted across Tom Cable's visage, as he decided to do some visage-blasting of his own today.

The good news for Cable is he's not alone. This is the second face-punching incident that ended in a hospital trip at Raiders' camp this decade, but the first time someone actually deserved it. Yes, I'm enough of an asshole to say Randy Hanson needed to be punched in the face. Why?

1. Someone had to teach this defense how to hit, and for the last three years it sure as shit hasn't been Randy Hanson.

2. Hanson fucked Tom Cable's wife.

#2 is pure speculation, but I hope it's true. "If you can't be good, be funny-bad."

LIVE FROM LOS ANGELES - THE 'STICK RETURNS!!!! COWBOYS @ RAIDERS LIVE!

6:17 PM - "Live from Los Angeles" doesn't sound like a big deal when a team plays in Oakland, but unless you paid the regular season price for the preseason game, you have to live down here just to see it live. Are you missing much? Only if your drinking game includes "take a shot every time Greg Papa says 'Echemandu.'"

6:34 PM - There has been a standoff at the Westwood Federal Building, which may delay the start of Raiders' preseason coverage. If this guy thinks pissing off the LAPD was bad, wait until he sees East Los Angeles when the Raiders' first game since December isn't on TV.

7:41 PM - We've been back for a few hours and are already having problems! Sorry!

7:48 PM - Getting myself caught up with the game. There's already been a holding penalty and Thomas Howard's tackling skill is still pretty dreck.

7:51 PM - does it hurt anyone else on the inside knowing this is the most our defense will blitz all season?

7:54 PM - "They sent three, they drop eight..." I could have called the Witten TD as soon as Papa said that.

7:57 PM - Just saw Jamarcus breaking tackles (which Papa said "looked like Plunkett in his prime.." HA!), followed by a Raider fan getting right in a Cowboy fan's face. In preseason...

8:03 PM - My next "Stupid Raider Fan of the Month" will be about the first person to make a "Start Gradkowski" thread! Anytime now...

8:13 PM - Michael Huff's "always go for the interception" style of defensive backing works for the first time ever.

8:17 PM - Greg Papa emphatically reminds us that Charlie Frye is still to come! I, for one, am overjoyed.

8:21 PM - Ricky Brown's pathetic tackling job is saved by a holding penalty. Just a reminder: THIS GUY IS COMPETING FOR A STARTING JOB.... WITH KIRK MORRISON... SHIT!

8:31 PM - Nick Folk shanks a gimmie. Preseason...

8:36 PM - Actual quote from Al Davis during the halftime show: "When I was 18, I was already in college." An 18 year-old in college? No fucking way!

8:47 PM - ATTN Greg Papa - Louis Rankin is not an "intriguing prospect." Sorry.

8:54 PM - Did I say "Bruce Gradkowski?" would lead to a Stupid Raider Fan of the Month column? I meant Louis Rankin.

9:26 PM - George Atkinnson is way too sober tonight. Taking his place in the "drunk Raider legend" category is Jim Plunkett, who's been a chore to listen to this evening.

9:30 PM - I just looked at my girlfriend and said "Wand's having a tough time getting up." Her reply: "I guess you're going home early tonight."

9:37 PM - Cable elects to punt instead of taking a long field goal for the first and last time this season.

9:48 PM - I zoned out until whoever Dallas' third string defensive back is destroyed a photographer after missing a hit in the end zone.

10:03 PM - I heard the Raider Nation Celebration was a great time... if you like watching grown men fight at a children's event. Rumor has it Raider Rob (the host of the day's band events) and Griz Jones (the "godfather..." LOL... of the "66th Mob." Yes, I know there's a real Oakland gang called the 66th Mob, and realize how fucking stupid it is to name your nerdy fan group after them... but I don't hang out with those people) had a brawl in the Coliseum over some personal beef. Don't worry if you missed the fight, they've scheduled a few more. The next one will be in the ball pit at McDonalds on E. 12th St so as many children as possible watch these two settle their important differences.

THE 'STICK IS BACK

The 'stick returns tonight at 7 PM PST! Come for live updates and laughs as the Raiders take on the Dallas Cowboys in preseason "action!"